A year ago this month I endured the greatest loss I have ever felt. Sharing my experiences concerning the loss of Sara is deeply personal. It is also what “I’ve been up to,” it is my life. I think I may have a better grip on things after another couple of years. This past year is one giant blur. At first I was frazzled but even now I find myself avoiding thinking about certain things because I don’t want to stay in a negative place. The occasional person who I believed knew will ask how Sara is doing. I get invited to events that she would have also been invited. It is still challenging & new to accept that she is no longer in my life.
I refuse to mark the anniversary of her death on my calendar & plan to be sad that day. I intend to celebrate her life every day, rather than fall apart every year on her birthday, my birthday, and on the anniversary of her passing.
This past year was a year of healing. A year of rediscovering what makes me happy. I did not force myself to be overly social (especially in situations with people who would not understand,) I did not rush into life changes, but I also did not stay stagnant. Even through the darkest of times, I made myself do things. I cooked, I created, I tried new things, and I made goals and plans for the future. That is all you really can do. Just keep moving. I found tremendous positive support in various forms of social media for my amateur creative endeavors. Remember, I do the blog and YouTube to keep moving, to keep breathing; not to make millions or become a celebrity. I have experienced nothing but positive, encouraging feedback and I am very appreciative of the kindness of strangers and friends alike.
Sometimes the darkest of days are shattered with blinding sunlight and rainbows. I was dreading the return of summer and the memories of losing Sara but my sadness is softened by some big life changes coming up. Good things can happen at any time. Grief can be overwhelming but as long as you keep going & are open to new, positive life changes–you will fall on your feet. Thank you to everyone old & new in my life who has built me up with love, compassion, kindness, honesty, and friendship. You have helped me through & I am forever grateful.
I love this girl with all of my heart.